When I glanced at the cover, I mistakenly assumed this was going to be some kind of self help and diet book. A writing genre that induces a comatose state in me after page 2!

I was completely off base, Embracing Your Big Fat Ass is a wonderfully funny look at the how we perceive that others might view our ’sitting muscle’. Both authors are to be congratulated in producing such a witty dialog. Both are accomplished stand up comics, and I am sure that some of the material used in the book originated in their on stage performances.

B-Fabs (Big Fat Ass Babes), the authors assure us are all the rage, being a B-Fab should be worn as a badge of honor, not hidden behind tent like structures!

There are so many hilarious parts to this book it is hard to pick my favorites, one story that does stick out comes from Dana of Oklahoma. Very pregnant and shopping for maternity wear in her local JC Penny store, her darling five year old daughter wants to know why she is so fat. I am having a baby she patiently explains, its a miracle growing in my tummy. The five year old contemplates this concept for a few moments and then comments “I know that mama, but whats growin’ in your butt?” Oh the joys of small children!

Laura Banks and Janette Barber tackle all sorts of everyday situations and offer sage advice for the B-Fab. For example, how to deal with competitive family eating. How can you ensure that you get your fair share in a ’serve yourself’ at the table environment? Simple, sit down 10 minutes before everyone else and sneak nibbles under the guise of helping out.

The ideal boyfriend or husband we are told, is one that does grocery shopping unasked and likes to cook.

They even offer advice on underwear for the well proportioned, thongs are OK, but bright colors are recommended. That way, in the case of a trip to the Emergency Room, they are easier for the doctor to locate.

Although this is a richly humorous book, there are threads of a deeper concept running through it. Far too many people, women in particular worry way too much about their self worth and how others perceive them. This results in low self esteem, and even depression. The message in Embracing Your Big Fat Ass is loud and clear. Live for you, not for someone else’s image of you.

A very funny read, and one that I can recommend, but I will give a word of caution to anyone thinking of buying this book as a present for their wife or girlfriend. You likely will be sleeping on the couch for a while. And I would definitely think twice about giving as a valentines gift.

With ‘true confessions’ sprinkled liberally throughout the book, you will be giggling from page 1. Although this is not a recognized genre of literature, in my mind Embracing Your Big Fat Ass falls into the ‘Bathroom Reading’ section. A book that you can pretty much open at a random spot, read a couple of pages and get a chuckle out of.

There is also a supporting web site http://www.embracingyourbigfatass.com.

You can pick up your copy from Amazon.

Simon Barrett is the senior editor for Blogger News Net and maintains a personal blog at Simon B. Now semi retired in the depths of Mississippi he has plenty of time to read books by up and coming authors.

What do you do when confronted with the sight of a CCTV security camera? Do you go on as if it is a speck on the wall worthy of your attention as a, well, speck on the wall? Do you ponder it for a moment, wonder who is watching you watching him and then wander somewhere else with nary a second glance?

Whatever you do, never ever do these things if you value your sanity, your dignity, your levity, and most important, your life. (Unless of course, you are inside Big Brother’s house relishing the presence of 24/7 surveillance cameras and losing all of the above will get you noticed by TV viewers, in which case, this could be turned into “Things You Must Do To Win the Grand Prize”)

Make Funny Faces

With your face so near the CCTV security camera your nose hairs are visible from the security monitor, at that. If you think the security personnel will be amused with the sight of your scrunched-up, cross-eyed, wrinkled-nose, tongue-out face, you have another fist coming.

Did I say fist? I meant think. And even if the fist does not come, you will be certainly marked for life as easily as if a fist has broken your wrinkled nose and set it straight. Or whatever. You know what I mean.

Do a Striptease

Well, your male viewers will enjoy the show. Maybe they will sit back, prop their feet on the security console, relax and drink beer. After all, your performance might rival Big Brother 9 Natalie’s striptease only better because they have exclusive viewing options. Maybe, they will zoom the CCTV security camera on your lady parts for a better view. Yum yum.

Then again, do you really want to be slapped on with handcuffs after the show? Or even clothed again, only with a straightjacket? And did you know footages from the CCTV security camera can be rewound again and again and again for your fans’ perverted pleasure?

Rant and Rave

You will get nowhere on ranting and raving unless you and your viewers either know sign language or adept at charades or proficient in lip reading. You never know if the CCTV security camera can capture your here-comes-the-four-horsemen-of-the-Apocalypse voice!

Why? Simply because not all CCTV systems are sophisticated enough to capture sound and even if they do, they would run into trouble with the law. Another impertinent why? Well, because in many states, sound recordings taken off video cameras are inadmissible in a court of law unless you are the law itself.

If you really want to tell your boss to go (insert vulgar euphemism of choice for intimate relations) with himself, you are better off telling him to his face. Get inspiration on how to do it from Wesley Gibson of “Wanted” fame. And three million dollars in the bank should help with the self-confidence.

The list goes on and on – give the dirty finger, show your shiny-as-a-baby’s-head butt, simulate masturbation and sex, and flaunt what should best be hidden for the sake of the viewers’ sanity, to name a few - but these three are the worst things you can do in front of a CCTV security camera.

Or the best, if you are one of the top contenders in Big Brother!

For authoritative opinions on CCTV systems and CCTV equipment, visit Video-Surveillance-Guide.com and choose the perfect CCTV security camera for your home and office.

Marijuana users have always sought legal loopholes in countries where it is illegal to own or smoke it. Many people choose to buy marijuana seeds (which is legal in many places), then grow and smoke their own (which is not!) But every marijuana smoker has probably dreamed at one point or another of living in a country where marijuana is legal – or at least where the “rules” concerning possession are so lax that it is effectively legal.

Most people know about Holland’s famously relaxed laws regarding marijuana (which is why it doesn’t feature on the list below!) While no other country has achieved such high profile recognition for making marijuana legal, a number of places around the world have quietly relaxed their laws concerning possession for personal use. In most of these countries, possession still remains technically illegal, but penalties are not enforced if you are within certain guidelines – this is known as decriminalisation.

So, if living in a country where marijuana possession isn’t punished by the law sounds like heaven, here are five places you should consider emigrating!

Argentina

After a recent court debate about whether or not to punish those who buy and grow marijuana, Argentina has effectively made marijuana legal if it is in small quantities for personal use. A leading judge in Argentina even decided that it was “unconstitutional” to legislate against marijuana possession! Those who buy marijuana seeds and grow their own are also leniently treated, so long as they are growing a small number of plants. The country is also notably supportive of several medical marijuana programs.

Australia

Before you go booking a one way ticket to Sydney, make sure you do your research. Different regions have different rules, but Western Australia, Southern Australia, Tasmania, Victoria and Queensland have all decriminalised marijuana to a certain degree. In Tasmania, Victoria and Queensland, police have taken to “ticketing” those caught with less than 50 grams of marijuana rather than arresting them, and Western and Southern Australia have instituted on the spot fines for minor possession rather than official warnings or arrests.

Belgium

Since 2003, the Belgian government has made the possession and use of marijuana legal under the following conditions:

• The amount possessed is 5 grams or less

• You are over 18

• You do not smoke in the presence of minors

• You do not smoke in public

You can buy marijuana seeds and grow them in Belgium without penalty – however, you are only allowed to own one female plant. The purchase and sale of marijuana is still illegal, but most Belgians simply get their marijuana in Holland.

Colombia

Colombia, has had relaxed laws concerning drug possession for over ten years. Possession of less than 20 grams of marijuana, one gram of cocaine and one gram of heroin is not considered to be illegal, although things may change – recent conservative governments have considered repealing this law to combat Colombia’s drug culture.

Nepal

Unlike the other countries on this list, Nepal doesn’t have an actual decriminalisation policy towards marijuana – it’s rather that the laws they have are hardly ever enforced! Marijuana used to be legal in Nepal, making it a hippy Mecca in the 1960’s and early 70’s. It has been illegal since 1973 – not that you’d notice. Marijuana is widely available and used, especially by Nepalese holy men. Note that smuggling and growing are punished, but possession and personal use rarely are – if the police catch you smoking they will stop you, but only to collect a small bribe!

Robert Kane is the managing director of Sensible Seeds.com, where you can buy marijuana seeds and informational books online. The website sells its products to customers all over the world.

Cannabis news is always cropping up in the papers and online. Whether it’s the latest MP venting their opinion on the dangers of the drug, before admitting they used to take it or a celebrity busted by police over possession, it’s pretty hard to avoid. Then there are the oddities – the marijuana stories which are funny, strange or just plain weird. Here are the best from the last few years:

California introduces Pot Vending Machines

Before you all pack your bags and head over the Atlantic, I should point out that it’s strictly for people with a medical prescription to use marijuana as part of their healthcare – and there are safeguards in place to prevent non-prescribed folks from using it. Patients will be required to provide their prescription, give a fingerprint and then have their photo taken.

This cannabis news remains controversial because although medical marijuana is legal in some states, the federal government does not recognise its medicinal properties.

Utah Teenager Reports Pot Theft to Police

This is one of those marijuana stories that make you appreciate just how some stupid some people can be. Not only did an 18 year old burglar report his stolen cannabis to police, but he accepted an invitation to come in and identify the stash when the robber was caught. No sooner had he confirmed the marijuana was his, then he was arrested and charged on possession with intent to supply.

Sniffer Dog Fails to Find Planted Pot

After planting some marijuana in a customer’s luggage to train a new sniffer dog, customs officials were left embarrassed when this cannabis news story hit the headlines: the mutt failed to find the goods! The mistake, combined with the custom officer’s failure to recall which bag he’d put it in, meant that one passenger left with a free cannabis gift in their luggage. A spokesman for the airport’s customs’ office made a plea for its return: “If by some chance passengers find it in their suitcase, we’re asking them to return it.”

Burglars and Police Raid House at the Same Time

One of the most unlikely marijuana stories in this list: Two Australian burglars broke into a house being used to grow hydroponic cannabis only to discover it was full of police officers raiding the place to search for drugs! The burglars fled, but were caught a few days later by police.

Pot Smoker Reports Dealer to Police over “Bad Weed”

A 52 year old Darmstadt cannabis smoker was arrested for the possession of illegal substances after reporting his dealer to the police for selling him some “completely un-enjoyable” marijuana. The cannabis news article explains that the man had previously taken it up with the dealer directly, who refused to issue him a refund of the £270 he had paid for the drugs. Upon taking his “fraud” allegations with police, he was charged for his crime, despite the “absolutely mediocre quality” of the drugs involved.

Cannabis Plants Cause Police Station Closure

Billericay police station in Essex needed to be evacuated after the stench of confiscated cannabis plants became overpowering. 150 seedlings and mature plants grown from cannabis seeds had been seized from the home of a pro-cannabis campaigner and were kept in the station’s cell, where their strong odour swept through the whole building. One source said “The smell even filtered into the public reception area and people might have got the wrong idea.”

Rock Star Charged with Wanting to Smoke Marijuana…in 1994

An Argentine rock star was charged with informing spectators that he felt like smoking a joint – a decade after the cannabis news story broke. In November 1994, Andres Calamaro told 100,000 fans in La Plata: “I feel so good that I could smoke a joint”. Attempts were made by morally offended parents to bring charges against the rock star, but these were dismissed by the judge in 1995. A decade later a less liberal judge was found, and the case was reopened for the musician, then 43.

Cannabis Smoker Celebrates 120th Birthday

A 120 year old Indian woman living with her 92 year old daughter and 72 year old grandson is baffled by her longevity: “I don’t know how I’ve survived so long. Many relatives much younger than me have died”. One theory suggests it’s her habitual drug use. According to the Sun, the 120 year old Fulla Nayak smokes cannabis cigars and drinks strong palm wine, and this could be the secret of her success.

Paul Delorde is the managing director of Sensible Seeds. Based in the UK, the company sells souvenir cannabis seeds and informational books on cannabis to customers all over the world.

Most boaters know the difference between WMDs (weapons of mass destruction) and MSDs (marine sanitation devices). Congress on the other hand seems to spend as much time regulating MSDs as they do looking for WMDs. A recent article in BoatU.S. Magazine suggests that “the universal pumpout symbol is not generally recognized by boaters.” This may be because there aren’t that many of these signs and many of the signs are in front of pumpout stations that don’t work. I visited the website: marinepumpouts.com and found that there were no listings for Florida. Obviously, there are some in Florida and the website needs to be updated.

As a past member of the Hallandale Beach Marine Advisory Committee, I was privy to the plans for the new city marina. The plans called for a pumpout station located in an inaccessible corner of a dead end canal. I suggested a more accessible location. The city representative was shocked and stated “Then, everyone would use it.” I was stupefied. The marina is still not built and may never be, as the permits are stuck in a bureaucratic quagmire; much of it over sea grass or some other fish and wildlife issue.

There are about 13 million boats in the USA. This translates to at least 30 million boaters. Shouldn’t we humans get our own department? The Fish and Wildlife Service (FWS) regulates many boating issues. However, the FWS is only concerned about Fish and Wildlife. Truth be known they would probably be happy if there were no boats to mess up their environment. If the Fish and Wildlife folks are really concerned about the water quality, whatever their motive is, then there should be no marina that does not have a working pumpout facility.

My condo marina does not have a pumpout facility. Several years ago, I was falsely accused of “dumping my head” at the marina. The dockmaster, who didn’t like me, had led the condo board astray. Most of the board had never even visited the marina, let alone knew what an MSD was. Without any evidence to support the allegations, the manager sent out a certified letter informing me that I had violated several sections of the condo documents, Florida Statutes, Federal EPA regulations and the RICO Act. One of the board members approached me several weeks later and said that he had read the reports and didn’t understand why I would “stick my head in the water” at the marina. He now knows the difference between my head and a marine head.

It is legal to dump your head in the ocean if you are at least three miles from shore. The Florida Keys are an exception. The Keys are a No Discharge Zone. On a trip with my yacht club several years ago to Key West we could not find a functioning pumpout at any of the marinas we visited. When we arrived at Key West, we were all able to pumpout with the city’s mobile pumpout boat. The Galleon, an otherwise beautiful marina, had no pumpout and the marina next door had one that didn’t work.

I think it’s about time to revive CEPTIA, the Committee to End Pay Toilets In America. In the mid 70’s, CEPTIA was successful in banning pay toilets in Florida and many other states in the USA.

As CEPTIA is probably defunct, I propose a new organization to be called CRAP, the Committee for Readily Accessible Pumpouts. I call on all boaters to support CRAP. Write your representatives and demand that they listen to our CRAP. We want free pumpouts at all marinas. We will also lobby for cheaper biodegradable toilet paper. If the Federal Government can subsidize farmers, why not toilet paper? I’m sure you can imagine life without summer squash. But, can you imagine life without toilet paper? It’s about time for all boaters to get off the pot and take action. I also call on the eight million RV owners to support CRAP as they face some of the same issues.

If you would like to join the grass roots movement and support CRAP, contact the author. Sheryl Crow’s recommendation to use one sheet is not the answer to this problem. We need free pumpouts and cheap paper.

Bob E Sherman, a Miami Hurricane, is a columnist for the Waterfront News and the author of the book Am I the Only One That Signals? Listen and learn at http://www.bobesherman.com